Who Does This Baby Look like?

While the young girl and the young man were walking in the park, they used to dream many things together. One of those dreams was about how they would spend time with the children they would have after marriage. Even if they didn't have pink shutters, they would have a beautiful house, a tall, beautiful brunette daughter who looked like her mother, and of course, a smiling son with green eyes, like his father.

They finally set a wedding date to make these dream come true. Since they were having a countryside wedding, they looked at the weather forecast for the last 7 months and determined a day with a low chance of rain. They even chose the date carefully, it falling on the second anniversary of the day they first met. “Look at the harmony of history, it's like poetry!” said the young man to the girl he loved. The young girl smiled and thought that everything was going exactly as she expected it to be.

The wedding day went well, apart from some minor mishaps, and they settled into their home. After a few months, the young woman picked up the phone to tell the happy news: "You are going to be a father!" Another part of their dreams was coming true; the joy of the house was coming. But the queue they were waiting for was a bit confused; the father's son was coming first. 

They waited eagerly for little Arda. On the day he was born, the conversations that every newborn baby is exposed to started:

"Who does this baby look like?"                              

"Look, he has his mummy's eyes..."

"He took his father's chin..."

These conversations went on and on, but everyone thought that little Arda resembled their disloyal great-uncle; a sharp-eyed, thin-lipped, black-eyed Arda...

Many of us have experienced similar stories in our lives. In our imagination, the baby resembles either the father or the mother. From the moment the baby is born, we all have a similar conversation about who the baby resembles…

• But what if this is not really the question we should be asking?

• What if it is more important to be interested in what kind of a son he will be rather than who and what he looks like?

• When we say that the youth of today will be the elders of tomorrow, how full is this sentence?

• Are we really able to raise a creature growing in front of our eyes well?

"People think that parenting and bringing up a child are the same thing."

Every living being that is fed, sleeps and cared for grows step by step. Each of its cells develops, multiplies and grows... Just because we're a parent doesn't automatically guarantee that we can bring up a child. It is a process that requires much more effort and needs to be processed delicately, like embroidery.

It starts with giving the baby the opportunity to stretch its little neck a bit forward instead of putting the breast in its mouth from the moment it is born. It starts with being patient with the baby's efforts to suck and tiring his/her weak chin for the milk to come. As it continues to grow, it is necessary not to give up making efforts with the same patience. Maybe it is necessary to wait ten minutes at the door for him/her to put on his/her shoes, maybe twenty minutes in his room for him to put on his/her clothes. Just as we run after the child for days for the word "mum" to come out of his/her mouth, we should make similar efforts to prevent him/her from lying. Just as nothing happens all of a sudden, no human being can grow and mature all of a sudden. It is necessary to be respectful of time,  and to wait.

Although Arda's parents were a little disappointed that their child was not like them, after a while they were able to ask the real questions. They had struggled hard to raise little Arda well and as a result they had a helpful and loyal child. When they received the good news of their second baby, their conversations were very different from the first. Instead of thinking about who and what s/he would look like, they were talking about what kind of personality s/he would have in the future...

Human beings prefer to think and talk about concrete things that they can see with their own eyes than to think and talk about more abstract concepts such as maturity and personality. However, what will take us forward in this life is not our concrete characteristics and opportunities. What people should really value is their ability to raise themselves, their children, their employees, in other words, the people they are in contact with well. For this reason, instead of worrying about who our baby looks like, perhaps we should think about the following:

• "What kind of an adult will this child be?"

• "Will he/she be a good person, friend, spouse, parent, employee, manager besides being a good son?"

• "Will he be an example to his environment with his good morals?"

• "Will he benefit his environment with his hard work?"

• “And how can I raise him/her well?”

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Experiential Design Teaching is a knowledge community that produces strategies for designing our future based on past experiences.

It offers methods for people to have happier, more successful and better relationships.

The following programs "Who is Who", "Mastery in Relationships" and "Success Psychology" Programs contribute to achieving this goal.

All the transferred knowledge in Experiential Design Teaching consists of truthful information and is valid at all times, in all aspects, and for all mankind.

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