Is Wanting Too Much Really Wanting?

When he got home, he just threw his bag aside and went to his room. Mother had noticed. She quietly followed him to his room.

He realized he was holding his breath as he said, "If I get that promotion, I'll be relieved." He's had his eye on this position for a long time. He hadn't been able to sleep regularly for months. Sometimes he would talk to himself, mentally to his managers:

"Now let's have a look at the candidates you have;

Mr. Necdet? Even if he does the tasks you give him well, there is always a timing error. This is a situation that can put big businesses like us in trouble.

Ms. Ayfer? Yes, she is very practical and organizes quickly... However, she has long been the protagonist of many rumors in the company.

Ms. Semra? She just arrived. "I don't think you would consider someone we don't know what she wants or not want in such a position..."

In his imagination, he would share the thoughts he had for many of his colleagues with his managers. He paused while thinking about Ms. Semra. In a very short moment, a thought crossed his mind. "We don't know what Ms. Semra will or won't want." Well, did he know exactly what he wanted or what he wanted to stay away from?

"Is that even a question? Of course, I know exactly what I want. If there is anyone who deserves it, it's me. I've been working for it for a long time. Why would I try so hard if I didn't want it so much?"

While thinking about the position vacated by Mr. Harun's transfer; "I like that he is our superior, that he takes control, that his working hours are more flexible, that he can easily enter and leave the managers' offices. It is not easy to deal with huge people so often. This position is very important for my career." he said.

Does wanting something very much mean that he truly wants it? It would be nice if someone reminded him of some facts. Mr. Harun decided to undertake this task since their conversation had reached his ears, too. He likes Ali’s character. He invited him for coffee, thinking that it would be better if he knew what the process required.

Ali gladly accepted the invitation. However, he could not fully understand Mr. Harun's intention of invitation. Maybe… Or… Were their dreams coming true? Was Mr. Harun going to name himself as his replacement? He started to wait with curiosity.

Mr. Harun was a very gentle man. He was loved very much because of his justice. He was someone who knew the method. In order not to offend Ali, he made a soft introduction to the subject without showing what he had heard.

"Ali, I like the way you are. You are a hard-working, willing and skillful employee. I would like to hand over this position to you. However, I want you to know that some things are not as they seem from the outside. I can understand why people want this position. I too have gone through similar processes. But there are also some parts of the position we are talking about that are never mentioned. It was these things I didn't know that wore me out during my term of office.

People may want to be where I am for many reasons. First of all, I am an administrator. Giving orders instead of taking orders is something everyone can enjoy. The invisible part is that; dealing with people is like juggling on a very thin rope. Many people work with me. What does this mean? A wrong decision or an untimely move you make in one of them may mean infringing on the rights of others at the same time. That's why I sometimes lose sleep for days over a small decision.

Or, my commute hours are more flexible. I sometimes arrive at 10.00 am. I feel the looks that say "I meant to be there..." but who should I tell about the fact that I returned home at 02.00 am the night before? Or that I missed many of my children's events... that I celebrated most of our anniversaries with my wife late... Even though I tried to take care of my kinship relations, I couldn't make those visits as often as I wanted... that I tried to ignore them while listening to their complaints... 

Or about work; how difficult it is to have to wake up someone at that time for a shift change in an extra situation that occurs in the middle of the night... The difficulty of being the first to confront the bosses' expectations and problems... The feelings I feel to explain the feedback I receive from them to my team without offending them... All how sad it is to see ungratefulness from time to time despite this intensity and good will... Of course, these are processes that challenge people, but at the same time, they are very educating. My grandmother used to say: “Every beautiful person has a spoilsport.” When I think about these, my grandmother's words come to my mind: "Every beautiful person has a spoilsport."

"Anyway, my dear... I needed to talk too. Look, I talked for too long, I'm sorry." he smiled.

Ali said: No way! Thank you for everything! We had such a nice conversation."  And he immediately added, "I'm glad I met you."

The message he needed to receive had reached Ali's very heart. He also wanted this position with similar feelings and for a more comfortable living, but as he saw, his inner face was very different. While he was living comfortably financially, the possibility of seeing his beloved wife less and not being able to be with her while her babies were growing up were important issues. He might reconsider if conditions were more favorable in the future. But he knew better what he didn't want right now.

"It turns out that wanting too much is not really wanting!"

When asking for something, he made a mental note to search it from all aspects, not just by looking at the moment, and to take into account what he would give up in return for his request.

Human beings were offered as a package what they would give up, along with what they wanted. In a result that is attractive to a person and will make him feel happy, there will definitely be many things that he will not enjoy doing and will have difficulty creating reasons for.

The job you love comes with aspects you don't like.

What are the characteristics of the person you want to spend your life with that you cannot tolerate?

There may be a crying sound that is like torture next to the laughter of your baby that is so cute and worth everything. 

In order to keep your body healthy, you need to follow diet, exercise and proper nutrition...

Every coveted authority has responsibilities that will disturb its comfort.

Experiential Design Teaching says; “Every choice is a giving up. While a person considers the benefits of his choices, he should also make a decision by calculating what s/he will give up.”

May we be among those who pursue responsibilities that can easily be overthrown rather than coveted powers.

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Experiential Design Teaching is a knowledge community that produces strategies for designing our future based on past experiences.

It offers methods for people to have happier, more successful and better relationships.

The following programs "Who is Who", "Mastery in Relationships" and "Success Psychology" Programs contribute to achieving this goal.

All the transferred knowledge in Experiential Design Teaching consists of truthful information and is valid at all times, in all aspects, and for all mankind.

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